Desolate

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me, but a GREAT day at the same time.

Why? You ask.

You know those days that you are continually slapped in the face with the ugliness of you?

Well, that was yesterday.

Instead of hashing what was said over to see if any of it were true, I got hurt and offended, and basically, had a pity party for myself.

The sad thing is, I got offended because I knew they were right, but I had justified my ways for soooooooooo long that I could come up with a zillion things to make me look better than I am.

I was faced with the reality that I had become exactly what I set out to NEVER become. What I had seen all my life and vowed to NEVER do.

What a blow that was. The realization of that was devestating, or could have been anyway.

I went to sleep crying and I woke up with a new found determination to seek the Lord and find an answer to my issues.

But how?

I woke up early, before everyone in the house, and I began to pray. I asked the Lord to guide me to His truth in His Word. When I was done, I opened and there it was, staring me right in the face. There was some comfort and some confrontation that was necessary for me. I grabbed my dictionary to shed a little more light on the words I was reading...this always helps me to get a better understanding.

I read Jeremiah 1:4-5 first, which says,

Now the word of the Lord came to me saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you. I have appointed you a prophet to the nations."

Even though this was written to Jeremiah, I believe it is for me too.

God showed me that not only does He know me, the REAL me, better than anyone, but He also consecrated me...He set me apart...for a specific purpose...to publicly declare the true message of the gospel to everyone I come in contact with.

What a comforting and revealing thought that my Lord knows EVERY part of me, good and bad.

This Scripture also reminded me that I have been set apart for a purpose...it gave me meaning again.

Then I read on..

Jeremiah 2:5

Thus says the Lord, What injustice did your fathers find in Me, That they went far from Me And walked after emptiness and became empty?

WoW, what a thump on the head that was.

I have been struggling with emptiness for some time now. I've been "seeking" the Lord, but still feeling completely empty.

How could that be?

I realized that although I have been in church, in private devotions, and prayer, I was still seeking after empty things, and the more I walked after emptiness, the more empty I became; the more desolate I became. Odd thing is, I didn't even realize I was seeking after empty things until today.

Have you ever looked up the word desolate? I know what desolate means but I had never seen it or related to it so clearly as I did after reading the definition this morning.

Desolate= abandoned, lonely, cheerless, lacking signs life.

WoW!! That word desolate described me perfectly. I read it and read it again, not believing my eyes.

Then I read Jeremiah 2:12-13 and things started getting even clearer...

"Be appalled, O heavens, at this, And shudder, be very desolate," declares the Lord. "For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, To hewn for themselves cisterns, Broken cisterns that can hold no water."

I looked up the words, forsaken, fountain, living, water, and cistern, knowing what they meant, but wanting a clearer definition, and do you know what happened next?

Light bulb!!

Forsaken= GIVEN UP OR LEAVING ENTIRELY

Fountain=SOURCE from which something comes

Living= ALIVE, existing

Water= liquid that is a MAJOR part of ALL LIVING material

Cistern= an ARTIFICIAL reservoir or rank for storing water, usually UNDERGROUND.

Are you seeing what I saw?

First thing the Lord showed me was

GOD= my source for REAL life, without Him I would cease to exist.

Then....

The Lord showed me clearly that I have been feeling desolate (abandoned, lonely, cheerless, and lacking signs of life) because I have forsaken the Lord. I have left Him and chased after artificial substitutes in my life to keep me alive, all the while dying (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) more each day because I have not looked to the source that keeps me truly alive...My Lord.

 Incidentally...did you notice that the cistern is usually underground?? Hmmmm????

It's interesting how I could be "seeking" the Lord yet be soooooo far from Him.

The Lord showed me that my downward spiral began with discontentment....just a side note.

Thank You Lord for using my precious gift, Tyler, to see that I have become so discontented and walked so far from you that I no longer had REAL life (I had become desolate=lonely, cheerless, and have felt abandoned for soooooooo long).

Thank You Lord for showing me, through Jeremiah, that I have to acknowledge my sin,  that I've transgressed against You , and have not been obedient to You...

Please forgive me for turning from You, for my pride issues, for my overall disobedience,  and my discontentment.

Thank You for Your love and discipline that has brought me to repentance once again. I love You Lord. My life is Yours, do with it what You will. In Jesus' name. Amen.

The revelation that the Lord has given me today has set me free and I PRAISE HIM for it!! I can now go on, FORGIVEN, ready to truly live again, no longer desolate.

Jesus=HOPE :)

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