Missing You

Missing all of my family, including my SC church family, as the time nears the birth of the baby. This will be the first time I have a baby without them being around and just the thought of that makes me sad.

They have been a huge part of my life and I truly appreciate each and every one of them.

 They have gone through so much with me; helping me and sharing in each and every part of my life (good and bad), every step of the way, with hugs, encouragement, meals, smiles, and more love than I could ever contain.

 They cannot be replaced.

 I don't know how I'm going to do this without them; thinking about it makes me cry.

I love being in Florida, but I miss them all so much.

I always loved being able to share our lives with one another.

We are a part of one another.

I am a bit afraid, to be honest with you.

This will be my 5th C-section.

They won't be here; not even my husband.

He just found out that he can take off up to 2 weeks, but there's a catch; he won't get paid.

I don't know about you, but we can't afford to be without pay for 2 weeks.

So, he will be there for the baby's birth and then go back to work.

Our other children will be home alone, which isn't a huge deal, because they are old enough now to care for themselves, but I want them to be with me.

Oh well, I guess you can't always get what you want.

Well, I'm sorry for whining...I'll stop now, because it's just not very productive.

I just felt the need to share how I'm feeling at the moment.

I know that the Lord will take care of everything so I will just leave it all in His hands.

So, if you think about it, please lift my family and I up in your prayers.

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Miracles

 

 

I am 43 and almost at the end of my 8th pregnancy.

(This will be my 5th live birth; I had 1 miscarriage in my early 20's and 2 (each 1 year apart from one another) within the last 4 years.)

I am so blessed to know that the Lord is preserving this little guy and continuing to allow him to develop and grow normally.

I have been going to "see" him every 4 weeks (via ultrasound) and have been amazed at how quickly he's growing and changing.

During this pregnancy I've experienced so many different emotions;

fear being the main one, due to recent history, but I have trusted the Lord nonetheless;

knowing that He alone is the giver and sustainer of life and that He allows everything for my good and His glory.

He has always been here for me; carrying me through, without fail and I am just so thankful that He is my Lord. Without Him, I just don't know where I would be.

I have been thinking a lot about what my life is going to look like after the baby is born.

It's funny, but I never thought I would be having another baby at 43.

Many people have expressed that they would "just die" if they found out they were pregnant again at my age. I've heard things like, " Are you crazy?", and " you know what causes that don't you?"

Really people?

It makes me laugh to think that people actually believe that they can control if and when they will have a baby.

Truthfully, the only way to guarantee that it not happen is abstain; but, I believe that most marriages wouldn't survive if abstinence was practiced...lol

The Lord, and He alone is the One who opens and closes the womb.

You can have sex 24/7 and never conceive a child or just once and conceive; you are not in control!

Enough about that...lol

My oldest child is 19 and my youngest will be 11 years old.

I've already been through the drama of each age only to begin again. :)

I don't feel overwhelmed or crazy.

In fact, I feel blessed, excited, and privileged.

I love that my other children are older and can experience this pregnancy with me.

I love that I can feel this baby kicking, flipping, hiccupping, and moving inside of me.

I love being able to be a part of another miracle.

My children are all such wonderful blessings in my life.

I just can't imagine life without any one of them; even those I lost, I love and can't wait to see when I get to heaven.

Each of them has a special place in my heart.

Each of them is unique.

Each of them is a miracle.

Each off them have brought more joy to my life than they'll ever know.

Having another baby at 43 is not the end of my world, as some would suggest;

it is a new beginning, a new chapter, a new adventure.

Yes, I will have to start all over again with the diapers, late night feedings, baby proofing the house, playing the guessing game as to why he's crying, etc, planning my every move instead of being spontaneous, and eventually homeschooling him when I've just finished homeschooling 4 other children, but it is going to be so worth it.

I don't care about having "freedom to do what I want, when I want."

That ship sailed a long time ago, and, to be completely honest with you, I'm glad it did.

Having children has been life changing for me.

Before them, I was the most selfish person that walked the earth.

Everything was about me.

My children have taught me so much about selflessness, unconditional love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, to name only a few, and they have made life wonderful for me.

I can't imagine my life any different than it is right now.

 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward

Psalm 127:3

 

Thank You Lord for allowing me to have these children, to raise them up in You for Your glory.