A Purpose

When I was younger, all I ever wanted to be was a singer/actress. I know, surprise, surprise...lol..Those who personally know me could believe that easily. After all, I'm not called the Drama Queen for nothin. :)

I can remember sitting for hours, listening to the radio or playing records(uh oh..I just dated myself...lol) singing my heart out and dancing all over my room pretending I was on stage and all the people watching (in my mind) loved me. In high school, I was in Show Choir, Drama Club, and Chorus...I loved being on that stage...I would feel sick to my stomach EVERY time, but as soon as I sang a couple of words or said a couple of my lines I would forget about my fears, forget about all the people, and be in my own little world. It was amazingly wonderful!! I so wanted to be in the bright lights forever, but I guess that wasn't the plan for me, because if it was it would've happened, right?

During my teen years, I decided that I was going to be a counselor. Why wouldn't I? I already had friends calling me constantly at the wee hours of the morning telling me their problems. It got so bad that my parents actually put  my own phone line in my bedroom so that the phone calls wouldn't wake them up. I had many sleepless nights, but they were all worth it. If I could make even just one of them feel better and have some hope I would stay up all night. I remember a time when I saw a young girl sitting on the ground outside a building late one night. I drove by her, but my heart made me turn around. I didn't know that girl and had never seen her before, or since, but I just had to stop and talk to her to see if there was anything I could help her with. We spoke, she was encouraged, I went along my way hoping that she would be alright. I think that dream ended when I couldn't even help my little brother, who ended up committing suicide at the age of 17.

As I got older I had less and less dreams. I was just hoping to survive each day. You see, I had been in countless horrible relationships. I also had 2 children by 2 different men 4 years apart from one another (one when I was 24 and the other at 28). I was struggling to keep a roof over our heads, food in their bellies, and diapers and clothes on them. It was hard, but I accepted it as it was and just did what I had to do to take care of them. I finally understood why my mother used to tell me not to have sex before marriage. She wasn't trying to be a "kill-joy". She was trying to protect me. Now that I'm a mother, I completely understand.

I always wanted to be  someone that made a difference in the lives of those around me. I did it because I hated seeing people hurt the way I was always hurting. I hid behind my smile. When I would help someone it would take my mind off of my own issues, problems, and heartaches. So I continually focused all my energy on others; friends, family, my kids...everyone but me. It was too hard to think about me. If I did that then I would have to admit that my life was a mess and I made it that way. I would rather pretend I was someone else, put an "H" on my chest and Handle it. After all pretending would make everyone else happy too. I knew I made my life what it was by the choices I made but I wanted everyone to believe that I was strong; that I was all right, while inside I was crying desperately for someone to save me from myself.

I moved to SC and found Jesus again. He had never left me, but I had left Him long ago. I rededicated my life to Him and determined that I was no longer going to be the pretender, but I have to admit, that process was longer than I'd of liked it to be. While reading my Bible, the Lord showed me who I really was when I left Him behind and started living life for me. All I could do was break down and sob. What I saw was something I never thought I was, but there it was in black and white staring me in the face. That was the beginning of a new journey for me. Was it easy? Not at all. Was it worth it? Most Definitely!! Now I saw myself as I was, I repented, and I turned back to my first true Love, Jesus. Since then, He gave me a husband who I don't deserve and has blessed me with 2 more beautiful children. It's been 12 years since that day and I am more in love with Jesus than ever.  Am I still going through changes? Of course. I will never stop learning until I'm with Him in heaven. It is painful sometimes, but He always leads me to the other side where there is growth.

Jesus is:

my Lord

my Savior

my Friend

my life

my Love

my peace

my joy

my Counselor

my Healer

my Guide

etc

etc

etc

I know that the only reason I'm still living today is because He brought me through for a purpose.

My purpose:

to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength

to obey Him in all aspects of my life

to love everyone that comes in my path

to worship Him with my life, not just my voice

to adore Him and to teach my children to adore Him

to tell everyone about Him

to live my life in such a way that people would want to know Him

I lived a long time with dreams, but no purpose.

Praise the Lord, now I have a purpose worth living for.

He has blessed me beyond measure;

a husband I thought I'd never have

4 exceptionally wonderful blessings from heaven (the children He's entrusted me to care for)

but most of all.....Hope of eternal life that He freely gave to me in which I received

(which is also available to you too :) )

I may not have a house, or lots of material things, but I have more than all the treasures of the world.

The ultimate treasure....JESUS!!

Romans 8:28-39

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.  For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestine to be conformed to the image of His Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.  Moreover whom He did predestine, them He also called: and whom He called, them He also justified: and whom He justified, them He also glorified.  What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

 He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifies.
 Who is he that condemns? It is Christ that died, rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God who also makes  intercession for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
 As it is written, For Your sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
But in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
 For I am convinced, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.