Miracles

 

 

I am 43 and almost at the end of my 8th pregnancy.

(This will be my 5th live birth; I had 1 miscarriage in my early 20's and 2 (each 1 year apart from one another) within the last 4 years.)

I am so blessed to know that the Lord is preserving this little guy and continuing to allow him to develop and grow normally.

I have been going to "see" him every 4 weeks (via ultrasound) and have been amazed at how quickly he's growing and changing.

During this pregnancy I've experienced so many different emotions;

fear being the main one, due to recent history, but I have trusted the Lord nonetheless;

knowing that He alone is the giver and sustainer of life and that He allows everything for my good and His glory.

He has always been here for me; carrying me through, without fail and I am just so thankful that He is my Lord. Without Him, I just don't know where I would be.

I have been thinking a lot about what my life is going to look like after the baby is born.

It's funny, but I never thought I would be having another baby at 43.

Many people have expressed that they would "just die" if they found out they were pregnant again at my age. I've heard things like, " Are you crazy?", and " you know what causes that don't you?"

Really people?

It makes me laugh to think that people actually believe that they can control if and when they will have a baby.

Truthfully, the only way to guarantee that it not happen is abstain; but, I believe that most marriages wouldn't survive if abstinence was practiced...lol

The Lord, and He alone is the One who opens and closes the womb.

You can have sex 24/7 and never conceive a child or just once and conceive; you are not in control!

Enough about that...lol

My oldest child is 19 and my youngest will be 11 years old.

I've already been through the drama of each age only to begin again. :)

I don't feel overwhelmed or crazy.

In fact, I feel blessed, excited, and privileged.

I love that my other children are older and can experience this pregnancy with me.

I love that I can feel this baby kicking, flipping, hiccupping, and moving inside of me.

I love being able to be a part of another miracle.

My children are all such wonderful blessings in my life.

I just can't imagine life without any one of them; even those I lost, I love and can't wait to see when I get to heaven.

Each of them has a special place in my heart.

Each of them is unique.

Each of them is a miracle.

Each off them have brought more joy to my life than they'll ever know.

Having another baby at 43 is not the end of my world, as some would suggest;

it is a new beginning, a new chapter, a new adventure.

Yes, I will have to start all over again with the diapers, late night feedings, baby proofing the house, playing the guessing game as to why he's crying, etc, planning my every move instead of being spontaneous, and eventually homeschooling him when I've just finished homeschooling 4 other children, but it is going to be so worth it.

I don't care about having "freedom to do what I want, when I want."

That ship sailed a long time ago, and, to be completely honest with you, I'm glad it did.

Having children has been life changing for me.

Before them, I was the most selfish person that walked the earth.

Everything was about me.

My children have taught me so much about selflessness, unconditional love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, to name only a few, and they have made life wonderful for me.

I can't imagine my life any different than it is right now.

 

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward

Psalm 127:3

 

Thank You Lord for allowing me to have these children, to raise them up in You for Your glory.

 

 

 

 

 



Life

I just read a post on facebook and it brought me to tears.

I don't know if I could live with the attitude expressed there.

Yes, life is hard. Yes, people will fail you. Yes, you will always have trials to deal with.

Every situation that we face, good and bad, has a purpose. The purpose is to draw us to the Lord, to strengthen and build our faith, to allow us to grow, to let us know that we cannot make it on our own in this life. We need the Lord!

The post was written by someone who I love, but haven't seen in a very long time. I can only imagine how difficult his life was by reading his post. I  have things in my life that could have  destroyed me, if I  let them. I have experienced pain, betrayal, depression, desperation too. I have  questioned my existence and if my life meant anything to anyone.

The difference is, I chose not to become embittered by my life experiences.

Instead, I turned to Jesus.

Now some would say Jesus is a crutch for people who can't handle the realness of life...I've heard that before...but I'm here to tell everyone who reads this that Jesus is not a crutch. Jesus is my life! He is my Savior! He is my Lord! He is my confidant! He is my Father! He is my Friend! He is my healer! He is my strength! He is my guide! He is my example! He is my EVERYTHING!!!

He has brought me through sooooooooooooooo much! I am forever indebted to Him and I choose to live my life to glorify Him. I choose to be a bond-servant of Christ.

Why, you ask?

Because He gave me the right to become His child. (John 1:12) 

He gave me the FREE gift of salvation, saving me from an eternity completely separated from Him. (John 3:16)

He paid for ALL of my sins, past, present, and future (yes, I will sin at times but my life is no longer characterized by sin...just b/c I'm a Christian doesn't make me perfect, if I were, Jesus wouldn't have had to die a brutal death on the cross to save me...I wouldn't have needed saving) with His blood...quite a costly payment indeed, yet He chose to shed His blood for me (and you too by the way) (Matthew 26:28) because He loves me! 

 Why wouldn't I respond to that kind of love with my utmost of devotion to Him?

My testimony in a nutshell...

I grew up in a "do as I say not as I do" home, which later gave me license to justify my every action.

I lied my way through my life pretending to be Miss Perfect in front of my parents, but living as I pleased when they weren't looking.

I started drinking heavily in junior high school...so much so that noone could tell.

I suffered from severe depression that I hid with a big smile and jokes. I wonder if anyone knew.

My little brother, at the age of 17, Bryan, hanged himself in our basement. I was strong for everyone else but I was dying inside, alone. I've experienced the effects of suicide one too many times in my life.( family, close friends)

I looked to lots of men to find my happiness and to fill the gaping void in my heart. The funny thing is that man, after man just led me deeper into depression. It left me empty and feeling more lonely than I did previously. It left me feeling alone, disgusting, and worthless. Interesting how that works.

I was cheated on constantly, which I paid for.

I got into relationships with 2 satan worshippers. Ironic how I went to church, went on youth retreats, went to youthgroup, etc most of my life, yet I had no real relationship with the Lord. Yes, it's possible, I was living proof.

I was in many physically and emotionally abusive destructive relationships.

In an attempt to run away from my life, and essentially, myself, I went to another state with a man, was physically abused at a rest stop, in front of people, who, by the way, did nothing but watch, in Georgia and Florida, then sexually abused, which  landed me in a battered women's shelter in FL, alone and pregnant.

Etc, etc, etc.........................

(So many things  and many details were left out b/c this would become a book if I put them all  in. I just wanted to let you know a  little about  who I used to be and some of what I went through in my life. So many people see my life now and think my life was easy or I couldn't possibly understand anything, now those people know better. )

My point in saying all this is that Jesus took the life that I partially described here and made it into something beautiful. He took this wretched sinner and gave me new life. He took the old me and made me new. He took my pain and gave me His joy, my chaos and gave me His peace, my hatred and gave me His love, my sinful behavior and gave me His purity, my wickedness and gave me His holiness, my desperation and gave me His hope, my addictions and gave me freedom.  All praise and glory is the LORDS!! :)

He did it for me, and He is more than willing to do it for you too.

What do you have to do?

Accept, believe, and confess  that Jesus is the Son of God,  came to this earth, fully God and fully man, led a perfect sinless life, and willingly shed His blood so that you can become a child of God and have the free gift of eternal life, and that He was raised from the dead. Admit and confess that you are a sinner, which, before Christ, we all are. (Romans 5, 3:23-26). And confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord you will be saved. 

(Romans 10:9-11..that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved;

 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses,resulting in salvation.
 For the Scripture says, "WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED." )

If you want to know more, please contact me. I'd be happy to chat with you. :)  <3