It's been a long time since I've written...

I can't believe the last time I wrote anything was on December 31,st 2009! WoW...I've had a pretty great year so far, with one exception, I had a miscarriage in June. It was one of the worst days of my life. It was a roller coaster ride for the months that led to my body naturally miscarrying our baby. What a blow that was. My heart was aching but I knew all along that the Lord would sustain me. After all He is the Creator of life, who am I to question why this happened?  The miscarriage was a horrible experience for me. I was admitted into the hospital, 2 times within days of each other. I had lossed so much blood that I no longer had an option of not having a D&E...it was mandatory or I would've bled to death. There are so many more details, but I won't bore you with them.

Here is my fb entry on May 22,2010
I woke up this morning crying. My heart could not be consoled. I long to hold my baby, but that isn't the plan. My heart doesn't understand at all. I have a hard time believing that this little life still inside me has no life in it. Why? I woke up asking. I don't understand.

Though my heart is breaking, my trust in still in the Lord, for He alone is worthy. Though tears stream down my face, still I will praise You, for You alone know Your plans for me. Though I don't understand, still I wait for You.
I didn't think this pain would be so great, but I was wrong. I can't watch a commercial with cute little babies without tearing up.

I know the Lord has plans to prosper and not harm me, on this I stand.
I know that He loves me and is concerned with every detail of my life, this I take comfort in.
I know that He will never leave or forsake me, this I rest in.
I know that He is my strength when I am weak. My weakness I give to Him.
I know that He alone can bring peace to my broken heart, this I count on.
I know that joy will come in the morning.

I know alot more than these and, although the pain is great, I will stand on what I know b/c God is faithful! Praise You Lord for You and You alone are worthy of all praise no matter what!!

Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who makes the rain fall from the sky, the thunder roar, and the lightning strike through the sky.
Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who is all knowing, all powerful, and ever present.
Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who gives me my very life and breath.
 
That sums up the way I felt. Praise the Lord my heart is healing. <3
Today is a new day, filled with new adventures and new things to learn. :D

ok. with a new year comes new changes. I need help! I have a weight problem, amongst others. I don't have a weight problem b/c I eat too much. I have a weight problem b/c I don't eat enough. Some days I completely forget to eat. Some people might say, wow, what a great problem to have, but they don't understand. When I don't eat it slows down my metabolism and stores fat...basically, my body believes I'm starving it so it holds onto every little thing I do eat b/c it's not sure when another meal is coming. This is a problem for me. I am around 200#'s, I don't have a scale, but the last time I was weighed that's what I was, and I'm only 5'3" tall. I exercise everyday, playing wii boxing, bowling, baseball, and tennis for atleast an hour, sometimes more than that..If you say that's not exercise, then I challenge you to do it and see for yourself. This exercising is making my weight worse, believe it or not, b/c not only am I starving myself, but I'm also burning up calories that I don't have to burn up when I exercise. I need to make sure I eat every meal every day! I haven't done such a great job lately. I've been so busy that I just forget. I need you to hold me accountable. I need someone to ask me, everyday, if I ate and what I ate. Please won't you help me? I hate being this heavy! I hate being unhealthy! I want to be free from this bondage that I live in.

Something Random:

I was watching netflix with my girls when Felicia said, "Mom, David Archaletta is on I Carly." I said, "I know." Then my youngest, Jewel says, very seriously I might add, " Who's David Enchilada?" Kids say the cutest things.

Change

Out with the old in with the new. That's what they say when a year is at it's end and a new one is knocking at our door. This year has had it's ups and downs, laughter and tears, joy and pain, but one thing is for sure, it has either made us stronger or has defeated us. I thank my Lord Jesus for letting all the situations of the year bring me closer to Him, which made me stronger...not my own strength, but His.

When I was in my early twenties a woman I knew said this to me..."If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten." This statement was profound in my life. Realize this, that if you want things to be different in your life you cannot do the same things you've always done, you have to step up, take a chance, and do something different. I challenge anyone reading this blog to do just that....Little changes in our behavior, reactions, speech, etc, can change the way we view life, not to mention, the way others view you. It can change your whole life...it can't get you to heaven, only inviting Jesus into your heart can do that, but with Jesus on your side, you can't help but to have a new hope.

If you live for Jesus, your life will change. I know. I've lived more of my life without Jesus than with Him and I'll tell you this...living life with Jesus is soooooooooooooooo much better than trying to live it on my own. I will let you in on more of my life as time goes by so that you can see just how much Jesus has changed me....you won't want to miss it either...My life story thus far has had many twists and turns. I will bear my heart and soul to you to show you that nothing is impossible for God. But for now I want to say "Happy New Year!"