Tuesday, August 3, 2010

It's been a long time since I've written...

I can't believe the last time I wrote anything was on December 31,st 2009! WoW...I've had a pretty great year so far, with one exception, I had a miscarriage in June. It was one of the worst days of my life. It was a roller coaster ride for the months that led to my body naturally miscarrying our baby. What a blow that was. My heart was aching but I knew all along that the Lord would sustain me. After all He is the Creator of life, who am I to question why this happened?  The miscarriage was a horrible experience for me. I was admitted into the hospital, 2 times within days of each other. I had lossed so much blood that I no longer had an option of not having a D&E...it was mandatory or I would've bled to death. There are so many more details, but I won't bore you with them.

Here is my fb entry on May 22,2010
I woke up this morning crying. My heart could not be consoled. I long to hold my baby, but that isn't the plan. My heart doesn't understand at all. I have a hard time believing that this little life still inside me has no life in it. Why? I woke up asking. I don't understand.

Though my heart is breaking, my trust in still in the Lord, for He alone is worthy. Though tears stream down my face, still I will praise You, for You alone know Your plans for me. Though I don't understand, still I wait for You.
I didn't think this pain would be so great, but I was wrong. I can't watch a commercial with cute little babies without tearing up.

I know the Lord has plans to prosper and not harm me, on this I stand.
I know that He loves me and is concerned with every detail of my life, this I take comfort in.
I know that He will never leave or forsake me, this I rest in.
I know that He is my strength when I am weak. My weakness I give to Him.
I know that He alone can bring peace to my broken heart, this I count on.
I know that joy will come in the morning.

I know alot more than these and, although the pain is great, I will stand on what I know b/c God is faithful! Praise You Lord for You and You alone are worthy of all praise no matter what!!

Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who makes the rain fall from the sky, the thunder roar, and the lightning strike through the sky.
Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who is all knowing, all powerful, and ever present.
Who am I to question why? When it is the Lord who gives me my very life and breath.
 
That sums up the way I felt. Praise the Lord my heart is healing. <3
Today is a new day, filled with new adventures and new things to learn. :D